An Open Letter to Lupus

Dear lupus,

You have changed my life. You turned my life, and my parents life upside down. You know, it was very hard to diagnose you. It took 2 years. That’s 24 months- 730 days- 17520 hours- 1051200 minutes- 63072000 seconds of my life spent trying to diagnose. For a while, I was in a really dark place. The darkness comes and goes, because of the trials you’ve put me through, and continue to put me through. I have been through tortuous trials to diagnose you- countless amounts of blood work, scans, hospital stays, steroids, and doctors appointments. I also had to make arduous decision to put school on hold, stop working, and quit running half marathons (which were my passion). You’ve put me through a lot, lupus. I blamed you. I blamed myself, wondering what I ever did to deserve this. You have caused so much hurt and pain in my life. There were doctors who didn’t understand what you were, so they turned me away. I have had friends and doctors who gave up on me. You tried to break me down, lupus. You took everything from me. But you know what? I am a warrior, and a survivor. I have certain friends and family who have only rallied against me. I have learned who is there for me, when I’ve needed them the most. I have a stronger bond than ever with my parents. I have discovered my passion and love for writing, which I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for you, lupus. I am stronger, because of you. At times, I feel like you have only broken me, but you’re only making me stronger. So lupus, you may have changed my life, but if I had the chance to go back and redo my life or change experiences, I wouldn’t. You have made me into the person I am today. So, I may hate you, and hate the pain you bring me- I am also very thankful for the mindset you’ve given me, the strength I’ve developed, and the bonds I have formed with those around me. I know you will be something I will forever have to deal with, I also know there are positive attributes to having you in my life. Just know, you will never break me.

Sincerely,

This lupus warrior ♡

18 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Lupus”

  1. Great letter, Mackenzie. I could relate to so much of it and would just have to change lupus to ms. There are blessings to chronic illness for sure, and it’s important to remind ourselves of that. Thanks for this. 💕

  2. You are one of the toughest, strongest people I know. Positive mindset is the most important thing in battling any illness. I am very proud of you. Keep fighting the battle my lupus warrior, I am right next to you! 💜

  3. All your Words are so true you have been so strong in your fight and I know you will continue to over come all your battles

  4. Thank you for sharing your story. It can be very lonely to fight an illness but you are correct, it makes you stronger and more beautiful inside. Keep up your strength. Love your attitude.

  5. Mackenzie this was a wonderful letter that was so well written! I don’t have Lupus, but living with MS I really can relate to you! Your positivity is contagious and I love your great personality!!!

  6. Such a fantastic letter, I love your strength in seeing the positives that can come from the most challenging of times – “At times, I feel like you have only broken me, but you’re only making me stronger” – that’s how I feel about my chronic illness and stoma too. Thank you for sharing your letter to lupus with us. Was it cathartic to write?x

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